


Unbreakable

by Demerite



Series: Trektober 2019 [17]
Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Accidental Marriage, Alternate Universe - Always a Different Sex, F/F, Female James T. Kirk, Female Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Female Spock (Star Trek), First Kiss, Love Confessions, Mind Meld
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-20 23:36:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21065063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demerite/pseuds/Demerite
Summary: Speaking objectively, which Jim is terrible at, there's nothing wrong with sharing a bathroom with Spock.





	Unbreakable

**Author's Note:**

> For the Day 18 Prompt: Interspecies Relationship. 
> 
> I made them lesbians purely because TOS is kind of a sausage fest as is, and at this point, my motto might as well be 'needs more lesbians'. My visual inspiration for the female versions of the triumvirate come from[this art by janey-jane](https://www.deviantart.com/janey-jane/art/lady-trek-triumvirate-776249640), I encourage you to check her stuff out!

Speaking objectively, which Jim is terrible at, there's nothing wrong with sharing a bathroom with Spock. Everyone has to share a bathroom with someone, and there are worse people to put on makeup next to before Alpha shift. Spock is really a very considerate bathroom-user; her side of the shared cabinet under the sink is always impeccably neat - going so far as to put Jim's side to shame - despite her long hair she never seems to take too long in the shower, and she always offers the shower to Jim first after a tiring shift of a messy away mission. Jim accepts about half the time, in the interests of fairness. 

So sharing a bathroom with Spock is fine, Jim's fine with it, until she realises that she has _feelings _for her first officer that are both entirely inappropriate, and entirely unreturned, and suddenly the shared space goes from normal and comfortable and every day to a potential minefield. Suddenly seeing Spock, half awake and sleep rumpled in a way that no-one else gets to goes from just kind of cute to heart-stopping. Jim had never noticed the way Spock's hair curls a little at the ends, or how good her voice sounds when she's only been awake for a short time, low and rough and warm. Brushing her teeth or fixing her hair in the morning, a prime time for accidental physical contact - which Spock tolerates more than Jim had expected - becomes an exercise in hiding her own reactions. And more than once they've had to share the space in more intimate situations - the shower cubicle may have opaque glass on it for privacy, but Jim _cannot handle _the knowledge that Spock is naked, right there. So she's going slowly insane, but that's fine, it really it. 

Bones, of course, is _wildly _unsympathetic to Jim's complaint, laughing at her for an unsettlingly long time when Jim explains her problem. 

"It's not that funny." Jim mutters into her bourbon as the doctor gets herself back under control. 

"Sure it ain't." Lenore laughs, "Have you tried, I don't know, _talking to her _about it?" 

"Be serious, Bones." 

"I am." Lenore refills Jim's glass, even though it wasn't empty yet. 

"Oh yeah, I'm sure that will go well." Jim grumbles, "'Hey, Spock, I'm pathetically in love with you and being all close with you in the bathroom every morning is driving me nuts so can we like, make a schedule or something?'" She lets out a mirthless laugh, "She'd be requesting a transfer before I'd finished sp- What?" She snaps, finally noticing the slightly stunned expression her friend is wearing. 

"Jim?" Lenore says carefully, "You're _in_ _love _with Spock?" 

"What did you think this was?" Jim fires back, "Just some passing fancy?" 

"Well, yes." Lenore admits, "That or sexual frustration." She shrugs, totally unselfconscious about their topic of conversation, "I'm your doctor, Jim, I know you haven't been getting any 'action' so to speak, unless you've been lying to me." 

"Would I lie to you, Bones?" 

"You really want me to answer that?" 

"No." Jim sips her drink, savouring the burn. "I really do love her Bones. I think I have ever since she nearly killed me, back on Vulcan." 

"Because _that _was the most significant thing that happened there." Lenore says, eyebrows raised, "No, oh, I don't know, _something else _you care to mention?" 

Jim shoots her CMO a dirty look, because okay, yes, there was the whole rolling around in the sand in front of Spock's ex-fiancee and extended family thing, too. 

Lenore shrugs. 

"Regardless, she trusted us to witness that. She trusted _me_." Jim insists. 

"Oh, for-" Lenore threw her hands up in frustration, "It's always about the trust with you!" 

"It's more than that." Jim argues, "Ever since Vulcan, I swear I've felt a connection between us." 

"A connection?" 

"I don't know what else to call it." Jim drags a hand through her hair, "I can anticipate what she's going to say before she says it, I always know where she's standing, and you know how quietly she moves, and I'd swear I can tell what she's feeling, even when she's trying not to show it." 

"She never shows it." Lenore objects, "It's that stoic Vulcan nonsense." 

"Yes, she does!" Jim slaps her palm down on the tabletop emphatically, "You just have to know what to look for." 

"Well then, there's your answer." Lenore drains her glass and leans back in her chair, "You've been working closely with her for almost two years now, you're bound to have learned how to read her better." 

"I'm telling you, it's more than that!" 

"Then you should be able to talk to her about sharing the damn bathroom." Lenore states firmly, and Jim can hear that she's using the 'Captain, I'm done with your shit' tone that she usually saves for when Jim's being particularly recalcitrant about coming to her physical. 

"But-" Jim starts, because it's practically hardwired into her psyche to push every boundary she can. 

"Jim." Lenore leans forward, fixing her CO with a hard look, "Talking to me isn't gonna solve this. You have to talk to Spock." 

"In that case, I want another drink." 

~*~

Jim's not actually sure what time it is, but she's pretty sure it's just gone 0200. Or 0300. She's feeling a little fuzzy around the edges, warm and kind of dizzy as she makes her way back to her quarters. She fumbles as she keys the door open, has to lean heavily against the wall to support herself into the cabin. 

"Lights." She mumbles, and the lights come up to full. Jim groans, throwing a hand over his eyes. The lights in the corridor outside are low for the night-cycle. 

"Lights to thirty percent." The voice that rings out is calm and even, and the light in the room instantly drops to a more bearable level. 

The hands the steady Jim are strong and cool, guiding Jim to the edge of the bed, where she sits with a grateful sigh, keeping her eyes closed because hey, the darkness is nice. 

"Captain." Spock's voice is in front of her and to the left, "Are you quite alright?" 

"Uhh..." Jim grumbles, "I'm...think I'm a bit intoxi- inebri- I'm drunk." 

"I can see that." Spock says, and Jim can detect dry amusement in her XO's voice. "Do you require assistance?" 

Jim groans and lets herself fall backwards across the bed, "'m fine, Spock." She insists, "Juuuuust need some sleep. Don't make me move." She whines, a little plaintively, "Think my head'll explode." 

"You do not have to go anywhere you do not wish to." Spock says, and the mattress dips. A cool hand brushes wayward strands of hair from Jim's forehead. 

"Thank you." Jim mumbles, "You're just...you're the best, Spock. And I mean that. Not just as an officer, or as a friend....I...shit, this is coming out all wrong!" Jim mutters angrily, trying to reorganise her thoughts, but it's like trying to catch starlight, "Look, 'm trying to say I love you and I know you don't love me and that's okay but you're important to me, alright?" She trails off lamely. That wasn't how she'd imagined it going at all. That wasn't even what she had intended to say. But the world around her is hazy and far away, and Spock is still stroking her forehead, so maybe Jim hadn't actually _said _anything at all, maybe she just imagined saying it. Yeah, that was it. It had to be. Spock wouldn't still be here otherwise. 

Content with that, sprawled out on the _very _comfortable mattress, Jim drifts off to sleep, boots and uniform still on. 

~*~

Jim wakes with a hangover of absolutely _stunning _proportions, her face pressed into a pillow. She groans and tries to sit up, but falls back against the mattress when she realises how much that makes her head hurt. She's just considering comming Bones to beg her for a hangover cure, when she hears the bathroom door open, and light spills into the room. Silhouetted in the light from the bathroom, is Spock, already dressed for the day ahead. 

"Captain?" Spock asks cautiously, and everything comes back to Jim in a sudden, terrible rush. 

_Oh shit. _She definitely confessed her feelings for Spock while drunk. She can remember every moment of it in crystal clarity, every stupid, heartfelt, entirely true word of what she'd said. She's surprised that Spock is even still here after such an embarrassing display.

"Doctor McCoy said you might require this." Spock's voice is calm as she hands Jim and hypo, and Jim reminds herself to thank Bones the next time she sees her. Normally, her COM makes her drag herself to sickbay to deal with the consequences of drinking too much. 

Jim presses the hypo to her upper arm and waits for the medicine to work its magic. It doesn't take long. In moments, she feels clearer, her headache starts to recede, and she's more alert. She knows that breakfast and a cup of coffee will still be needed to ensure she's fit for duty, but it's a start, at least. 

Now, she just has to sort things out with Spock, which is still standing, looking uncertain, by the bed. It's not a look that Jim is used to on Spock, and she finds she doesn't like it. 

"Look, Spock, I uh...about last night. I should apologise for my actions, what I said..." Jim runs a hand through her hair, nervous, "I should apologise, but I'm not going to. I can't. I won't apologise for speaking the truth about how I feel. I've put you in an awkward position, and I'm sorry for that. I understand if you want to transfer to another ship, say the word and I can help it happen." She'd hate every moment, it would rip her apart, but if it's what Spock wants, she'll do it in a heartbeat, "But for what it's worth, I'd like you to stay." She adds, trying for a smile, and feeling like she doesn't quite get there, "And if you _do _decide to stay, I promise you'll never have to hear of this again. We can pretend none of it ever happened." She stops, because Spock's uncertainty has shifted to genuine confusion. 

"Jim...why would you apologise for this?" She asks, her voice slow and clear. 

"Because I told you I'm in love with you and you don't love me back! It's not fair to put that on you!" Jim bursts out. 

"Jim..." Spock lets out an actual sigh, "You are aware that we are married, are you not?" She asks. 

"What?!" Jim all but shrieks, "How? _When?" _She's fairly sure she'd remember getting married to her First Officer. 

"On Vulcan, when you stood beside me at _Koon-ut-Kal-if-fee." _Spock explains, and Jim's mind is cast back to that day, standing beside her closest friends under the hot Vulcan sun, terrified out of her mind for what was going to happen to Spock. 

"That..." She starts, and finds she doesn't have anything to say. 

"On Vulcan, when two are joined in the sacred sand and emerge alive together, they are considered one." There is an almost ritualistic timbre to Spock's voice as she speaks, as if she is reciting a lesson learned in childhood, "I had not expected a Bond to form between us, and yet-"

"A what?!" 

"A bond." Spock explains, her tone patient, "That is how I am able to sense your thoughts and feelings. I had thought, but this time, that perhaps you would be able to do so too, but it seems you have been...ignoring the connection." 

Jim is reeling. She and Spock, married? A bond between them? Surely Spock doesn't want this though. "But, why didn't you say anything?" She asks quietly, "Surely there is a way to break the bond?" 

The expression that washes over Spock's face is both confused, and heartbroken, and Jim immediately wishes she hadn't spoken. 

"Why would I wish to break the Bond?" Spock's voice is equally confused and hurt, "I would not wish such a thing, unless you asked it of me." 

"You wouldn't?"

"Jim." Spocks voice is soft, almost reverent, "Will you allow me to show you what it is that I feel for you?" Her hand is raised, near Jim's face, but not near enough that Jim can't back away. And Jim knows that Spock would let her back away in an instant. She doesn't want to though. 

"Yes." Jim whispers. 

Jim's never experienced a mind-meld before, but she's seen it done, so she knows to expect Spock's hand on her face, and the words that are spoken after that, and then she's falling. She can _feel _Spock's mind alongside hers, and it's the strangest sensation. Thoughts that are hers but _aren't, _but they _feel _like she's the one thinking them, because she's experiencing them from Spock's perspective. She can see herself, and with that comes a rush of emotion so powerful that Jim is left breathless with the force of it. She remembers Spock telling her that Vulcans aren't emotionless, that they're the opposite; they're feelings run so powerful and so deep that they contain them out of fear of what they might do otherwise. 

Experiencing the full force of Spock's love for her, Jim finally understands why. 

Spock pulls away from her, and Jim expects to feel empty and alone as her mind retreats, but she's still there, almost like she's tucked into a corner of Jim's brain. Jim can't sense her thoughts anymore, but she can feel a...presence that is undeniably Spock. 

"You're still in my head." She says, and Spock nods. 

"The Mind Meld completed what the Bond was trying to achieve." 

"Will I always be able to feel you like this?" Jim asks. 

"As long as you still wish to." Spock's voice is gentle. 

"So, forever then." Jim is smiling now, wide and bright and she can feel an answering joy from Spock. It seems only natural to lean in and kiss her, Jim's hands coming up to frame Spock's face, Spock's arms pulling Jim tight to they're pressed together, as close as they can be, body and mind. 

They're late to Alpha shift that morning. 

**Author's Note:**

> Want to know more about Trektober? Click [HERE](https://aishahiwatari.tumblr.com/post/188059640163/trektober) for the info post on Aisha's tumblr, or [HERE](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Trektober2019) for the AO3 collection to read our fic. 
> 
> Come yell at me on [Tumblr](https://demerite.tumblr.com/)!


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